nick of time

time to exit stage left

indeed

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,

Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

1 }On Sears hairdryer:

      “ Do not use while sleeping.”

     ( Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair )

2} On a bag of Fritos:

     “ You could be a winner ! No purchase necessary. Details  inside.”

      (  Evidently , the shoplifter special ) 

3} On a bar of Dial soap:

      “ Directions: Use like regular soap. “ 

       ( And that would be how . . . ? )

4}On some Swanson frozen dinners :

    “ Serving suggestions : Defrost.” 

       ( But it’s  *just* a suggestion )

5} On Tesco’s  Tiramisu dessert  : ( printed on the bottom of the box ):

      “ Do not turn upside down.”

       ( Oops, too late ! )

6} On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding :

     “ Product will be hot after heating .”

     ( As night follows the day ….)

7} On the packaging for a Rowenta Iron :

     “ Do not iron clothes on body.”

      ( But wouldn’t this save even more time ? )

8} On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine :

     “ Do not drive a car or operate Machinery after taking this Medication.”

        ( We could do a lot to reduce the rate of accidents if we could just get

           Those 5-year-olds with head colds out from behind the wheel ..)

9} On Nytol Sleep Aid :             The Pharmacist love this one…

      “ Warning : May cause drowsiness .”

        ( One would hope  )

10} On most brands of Christmas Lights :

         “ For indoor or outdoor use ONLY .”

         ( As opposed to what ? )

11} On a Japanese food Processor :

          “ Not to be used for the other use .”

           (  I gotta  admit , I’m curious. )

12} On Simsbury’s  Peanuts :

       “ Warning : Contains nuts.” 

        (  NEWS FLASH )

13} On an American Airlines packet  of Nuts :

        “ Instructions : open packet, eat nuts.”

         (  Step 3 : Fly Delta . )

14} On a child’s Superman Costume :

         “ Wearing of this garment dose not enable you  to fly.”

          ( I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one  )

15] On a Swedish Chain Saw :

        “ Do not attempt to stop the chain with your hands or genitals.”

         ( Was there a chance of this happening somewhere ? .. Good grief  )

16} On a bottle of Palmolive Dish-washing Liquid :

          “ Do not use on food .”

           ( Hey, Mom, we’re out of syrup,  It’s ok honey just grab the Palmolive ! )

17} On a Bottle of ALL Laundry Detergent :

          “ Remove clothing before distributing in the  Washing machine .”

           ( Hey kids , no more swimming in the washing machine  )